I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
