you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
