I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
