I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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