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I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize