Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
dude. I can hear the air.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
