So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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