You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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