how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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