So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
