He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
