i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
