so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
