I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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