peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Let's get the cat blown out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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