just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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