ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
