I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
