shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
