she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So squirting runs in the family.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
