I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
