Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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