i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
