home. puking in laundry basket.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
