I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There r osticjed everywhere
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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