I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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