totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
