How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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