Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
