i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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