I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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