Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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