Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
