Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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