Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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