Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
