Dual....:-)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just puked most of my soul out..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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