wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
