I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
