how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
