Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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