Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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