Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
