Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
