so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
