I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
