And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
