4 words: hood of his car
My balls are so social today.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
