The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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