new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
