can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
