How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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