Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
