How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
