Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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