Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
