I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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