Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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