We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.