Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present