You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm like, not good at living.