My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
