You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
