brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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