"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
