Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
