just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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