it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
