I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
