Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
