ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
