help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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