i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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