I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
