20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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