so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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