i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
