i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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